How Should I Respond When My Daughter Sins? The Six C’s That Will Change Your Perspective ~ Part 1

 

How Should I Respond When My Daughter Sins

How Should I Respond When My Daughter Sins? The Six C’s That Will Change Your Perspective ~ Part 1

(Excerpt from Raising God’s Girl Chapter 5 That’s My Girl? Walking Through Seasons of Disappointment and Pain)

It’s no wonder I am exhausted; I am surrounded by sinners all day long! And the worst part is that when I brush my teeth every morning, I look up and see the chief of sinners staring back at me from the mirror (1 Tim. 1:15). Life can be challenging, and parenting only increases the pressure and the stakes. In this series, we’ll look at some biblical qualities that can help us succeed in this adventure of Raising God’s Girl.

COMPASSION

A discussion on addressing sin in our daughters’ lives needs to start with an exhortation to be compassionate. If my daughter was having a painful appendix attack, and I had never experienced one, I should choose to be compassionate and helpful to the best that I could. But if I had previously suffered an appendix attack, oh how much greater my compassion and empathy would be, how much more patient and skillful I would be in helping her.

So it is when our daughters are struggling with sin. We should be super compassionate and empathetic, filled with hopeful exhortations and practical advice. Why? Because we too are sinners and have sinned much longer than our daughters!

~~~

Mom: Teresa, come see Mommy right now, please.

 Teresa stomps over with arms crossed.

 Mom: Stop yelling at your sister.

 Teresa: But she broke my Barbie doll.

 Mom: Look, you’ve got a hundred other dolls. Whatever she did, I don’t want to hear you yelling.

 Message: I need to make sure Mom doesn’t hear me yelling.

~

Mom: Teresa, come see Mommy right now, please.

 Teresa stomps over with arms crossed.

 Mom: Honey, I see that you’re mad at your sister.

 Teresa: Well, yeah. She broke the head off my Barbie and threw it across the room.

 Mom: I know, and I’m going to talk to her about it in a minute. But first I want to talk with you. I know you’re angry, but you are not allowed to yell at your sister and call her a “fat head.”

 Teresa: But she purposely broke my doll. And it was one of my favorites!

 Mom: I totally understand why you are upset. But that does not allow you to disobey me and be mean to your sister.

 Teresa: But she was mean to me.

 Mom: I know, but we are talking about you right now. That feeling you have right now is anger. When this rises up in you, I want to help you learn to have self-control. Yelling at someone when you are mad is called an outburst of anger. It’s disobeying God and disobeying me. When this feeling rises, you need to make the right choice next time and tell your sister that she needs to tell me what she did. If she doesn’t, then you can come and get me. I love you, and I want to help both of you learn how to handle conflicts well.

 Message: Mom tries to understand and wants to help.

~~~

It’s difficult when someone is mean to us. It’s difficult when work is hard. It’s difficult when we don’t get what we want. We know this, so shouldn’t we be compassionate when our daughters struggle with the same things? Psalm 103:13 says, “Just as a father has compassion on his children, so the Lord has compassion on those who fear Him.” God used a father’s compassion to his children as an example of His own compassion! Certainly we need to demonstrate this trait to our daughters. And as we grow in compassion, our words of instruction will be much more palatable.

Let’s take a look at Jesus. In Matthew 9 we read about Jesus going throughout the cities and teaching. “Seeing the people, He felt compassion for them, because they were distressed and dispirited like sheep without a shepherd” (v. 36, emphasis added). Surely Jesus, who was omniscient, was fully aware of the people’s sins, yet He had compassion for them.

How about the story of the prodigal son who had left his family and gone off and wasted his inheritance? Luke 15:20 describes the scene when the son realizes he was wrong and returns home: “So he got up and came to his father. But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him, and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and kissed him” (emphasis added).

No matter what stage of maturity our daughters are in, distressed and dispirited or turning in repentance, we are to follow the example of Christ and establish a culture of compassion in our home.